On fumbling and ordinary things
On New Year's Eve a few yers ago, I was scrolling through my phone trying to find a picture to post on social media. Everyone's page seemed to be blowing up with beautiful photos and captions about how amazing their year was. I had had a particularly difficult year, and when I saw these pictures I have to admit I started to feel small and insignificant. So, I went looking for a picture to post.
After scrolling through the whole year of pictures I could not find one. Literally, not one. I did, however, find an odd picture from a number of years back of me trying to figure out how to plug in my guitar. I have plugged in my guitar hundreds of times... hundreds. I don't know how that picture got there, but I decided it was pretty true to what the year had been like, so I posted it.
I wake up most days not having a clue what in the world I am doing. I thought the older I got the more confident I would be, but it sure seems like the opposite is true. I spend a lot of time in my head comparing myself to other people on just about everything: what "they" do, what "they" think, "their" number of followers, "their" accomplishments, "their" clothes, "their" intellect, "their" fill in the blank. You know the drill.
Showing up as yourself in your own skin is no easy task. Sometimes, I feel that my days are insignificant, and the work I do is pretty... well... ordinary. All of the education, training, and degrees we get don't really prepare us for how to actually live, so here's a shout out to all of you reading and resonating with this:
Keep fumbling through the day.
Keep showing up to do the things you don't know how to do.
Keep showing up to do the mundane things you already know how to do and are tired of.
Continue doing the good work you are ALREADY doing.
Continue to be a loving presence of grace in the places that you live and work.
Be faithful with what you have been given.
Your life and work matter.
Much love XO!